Highlights from the Semester

 

These are 10 points that I have found to be important to me throughout the semester. Please feel free to comment.

1) Courage - To strengthen someone's heart; to have heart :) - we live in a world that is rife with inequity and problem. This world can easily being to snuff out the weak and insecure. If we want to see success in our families and in ourselves we need to be able to stand up for our beliefs in the moment of peril and stand that ground. Courage is doing the right thing in the face of those who oppose you and seek to break you down. What will I do in that moment? I will never back down and teach my children to do the same. 

2) 3 P's - protection - provide- preside - The family proclamation tells us of the roles of a father and mother, but I believe there is more to the father section that isn't explicitly told like everything else is. Traditional marriages begin with the man seeking out a young lady that he likes. They date for a period of time before making things official and then begins the period of courtship that leads to the two love birds getting engaged and eventually married. For that to happen however, the guy must put off childish things and become a man through active dating and risking heartbreak to find real love. He must be willing to take charge while dating to show her how much she means to him and preside over those events by paying for the date and providing means by which they are to enjoy their time together. He must be careful to never let his sweetheart fall into any harm by anything or anyone, especially himself. He must keep his mind and actions pure while he is with her. Through these actions he shows her that she is worth everything to him which I believe are essential for love. 

3) Mothers and Education - Mothers in this day and age are attacked on all sides. I see good mothers being slammed for their desire to have an education. I personally believe those mothers will be all the more able to help rear their children because of that degree than they could have without it. It doesn't matter really what the degree is in for there are principles that pertain to an education in general that benefit children. For example, persistence, dedication, leadership, and hard work are just surface level qualities that anyone going through a higher education must have to excel. Mothers who possess these qualities can help their children because they don't give up on them during the hard times. In addition, anyone who has pursued a college degree must be able to think abstractly and intuitively. Parenthood will require such talents as well. I personally am thankful that I met my wife at college because I know my children will be all the better mentally and developmentally because of her and her dedication to her studies and her family.

4) Sex Ed - Aside from the priesthood, the power of procreation is the greatest power that God has given us the ability to use here on the earth as mortal beings. With that power comes an incredible responsibility to protect yourself and others around you from giving up that power to someone who may not treasure it for was it really is and what it means to you. That power of procreation is so special and so important to our Father in Heaven and therefore needs to be as special to each of us. How can we believe that our children will learn and understand the intimate sanctity behind sex in the public school systems where sex Ed programs are taught? Parents need to understand that the sacredness behind sex cannot be left up to a system. Parents need to make sure they teach those principles in the home. Only then will a child understand the real sanctity behind sex, if a parent (whom the child trusts) can share their own beliefs and thoughts about something so important. I will bite that bullet and teach my kids myself, not a system. 

5) ABCX – I believe this model has real power in helping a family overcome crises. This system does this by helping each member of the family to first understand what the problem is, what the opportunities or resources are available, the thoughts or cognitions behind each member of the family on the crisis, and then the overall experience can finally be understood. By going through those steps the family’s overall experience of a crisis can be changed and if done correctly the family can turn the crisis into a positive. I have a lot of faith and trust in this model and in the process. I will use this model with my children to help them work through crises and help make hard situation and good situation. 

6) Divorce – Oh the “D Word.” When dating my now wife, we had a pretty lengthy conversation about the histories of our families. We discovered that both of our mothers had been divorced twice and married now 3 times. We discussed our ultimate fears of how we would end up like our mothers and become a divorced person at some point if we ever got married. As we continued to date we discovered the depth of our commitment to each other and if we ever did get married the topic of divorce would never be spoken of. Not to avoid this topic or to say that it’ll never happen to us, but to say that we will never speak of it to allow it to take root in our minds. We believe that as we continue to express our love for each other and serve each other that we are putting forth the effort and work towards making our marriage a very happy one. We will never say that word and consider it to be above the other 4 letter curse words in our family. By my wife and I sticking it out through those hard times my kids will be blessed that their parents have never split and know how to work through hard times effectively together. For my wife and I both know if one 

7) Gender Roles – I believe gender and the roles associated with gender to be designed by a loving and all knowing Father in Heaven. I believe that each gender has particular strengths that can benefit and uplift the family for the better. I also believe that each gender has specific responsibilities to be utilized and if those responsibilities are ignored, great problems may occur and threaten the family. I will do my best to magnify my role in the family and show unto my children by word and deed the importance of those roles. I will not disappoint them.

8) Hanging out vs. Dating – I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, “hanging out” is a sorry excuse for a copout in dating. It is lazy and un-charming. Hanging out is a façade for a lack of commitment. When two people like each other but don’t want to seem overbearing or creepy they ask if the other person wants to “hang out.” When those two people don’t want to seem clingy or “commitful” they’ll revert to hanging out. It is common, it is disrespectful, and it can lead to some serious problems with word of wisdom and chastity. If two people really like each other they shouldn’t beat around the bush. They should commit to the date and be honest with each other. Grow up. Be mature. Stop hanging out.  

9) Communication – communication is the bedrock for my marriage with my beautiful wife. We in fact met in an Interpersonal Communications class here on campus. We learned the importance of good communication in the hard times as well as the good times. We know that trial and tribulation will come but we feel very blessed to have each other because we both feel that no matter the circumstance that can arise we will have the fortitude to beat it together. We know that as long as we are open with each other and can continue to share our feelings and thoughts together that we will remain on the same page and find great joy and happiness because of that union. I will show my children that communication is essential for success by showing how my wife and I communicate through both good times and the hard. 

10) Strength of Counsels & Councils – my Patriarchal Blessing states the importance of the sisters here on the earth. It speaks of the wisdom that they have and more importantly that of my wife. It speaks of the importance of me listening to her and counseling with her in all things that we may be one together and that I will be more richly blessed with her insights. I have begun to see that come to fruition as we have counseled on many things together and have found that she has incredible ability to see the end from the beginning and a possible pathway to that end. I will do my best to teach my children the importance of counseling together and reasoning together toward a common goal. I will hold family home evenings to have us convene together and plan out together as a family our method of accomplishing our goals.

Courage

Turn on the news. Read the newspaper. Listen to radio broadcasts. Or better yet jump on the internet and check out people's blogs, facebook pages, and websites of political nature. What do you see? One cannot check out these resources without hearing, seeing, or feeling that we live in turbulent times. The scriptures speak of the last days with caution,

"This know also, that in the last days perilious times shall come, For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, high minded, lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God, Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away." (2 Timothy 3:1-5). Sound familiar? Do pieces of this prophecy sound like something you've noticed happening in our day today or have you seen them all happen?

I would say that all of these things spoken of here have either already happened or continue to happen on a daily basis. In a world where these problems, and many many more not spoken of here, are all around us some would ask what is to be done, how can we keep our families safe? I may not have the perfect solution to solve all these problems at once, but I do think I've found the foundation of a solution that can solve each of these problems over time. Courage.

There are going to be many people who will believe there is no problem with the list Timothy described. There will be some who will knowingly fight against the cause of righteousness and the Lord Himself. In that moment courage is going to be your only real defense. Courage to stand for what you believe to be true. Courage to stand for the cause of righteousness. Courage to stand as Christ would and stand for what is right. In a world filled with these problems the need for courage has never been more necessary. The Lord God has need of good people to stand up, be heard, and be courageous in the face of adversity. We have the promise from God that courage is not only possible but we will have His presence to be with us wherever we go. "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord thy God is with thee, withsoever thou goest." I believe that in a world that is fighting itself, courage in good people can help the world become a place for good. Let us find within ourselves our resolve to our Lord in Heaven to stand our ground, to defend the cause of righteousness and our testimony, and find the courage to make that resolve resolute and unwavering. Good luck.
   

Blended Families

"Expect it will take at least 2 years to reach any kind of normalcy." a quote from class today.
Biological parent needs to be the one to make the heavy acts of discipline, not the step parent. Step parents should take on the role of the "really fantastic aunt or uncle." Both the biological parent and step parent needs to have regular meetings to discuss the needs of the family, the needs of the children, and what they can do to better meet those needs.
      - For my own family I believe those 2 years was more like 2 weeks or 2 months. I believe this is due to the extremely difficult and hostile environment we were coming from that once we were introduced into the new blended family it was instantly and infinitely better than what we knew. We saw a brighter and more secure future than anything else we felt possible before and willingly accepted that. Although the statistics may show 2 years I can say from my own personal experience that there are exceptions to the rule and that I can grow to love my blended family and the new changes without reservation.
       - I feel that for children who are younger the discipline needs to stem from the biological parent. However, as the child begins to mature and becomes an adolescent that the step parent can step in and become the voice of reason and discipline, especially if done with love and respect. 

Same Sex Marriages

We've heavily discussed the benefits and vices of same sex marriages. I personally believe the idea of same sex marriages is not ordained of God, I would like to clarify that I personally do no judge or diss those who do practice. I personally feel that children can have the best growth and development if they are raised by a father and mother. We viewed this video in class:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRhGDmdG4dk

We also discussed the idea of courage in our day today. I personally believe those who have stood up for their beliefs against those who wish to discredit their views is courageous, on both sides of the same sex marriage coin. I understand it takes great courage for a person to openly admit they are homosexual to their family and community. Likewise, I believe it is also very courageous for a little girl to openly speak about her stance on this issue and stand for her parents and her personal growth.

I think this topic of same sex marriage is something that we can not simply sit on the sidelines anymore with. I believe this topic is going to heavily influence all families here in the United States. I believe the idea of idly sitting by and not owning a side is far gone. There are some who believe in equality. There are others who believe that families and the sanctity of marriage is under attack. I believe the time is now to make a courageous stand and own it.

ABCX

The ABCX model, by Hill, is something we use in our class to help families understand the events or crises that arise in life. The model is there to help not only identify what the crisis is in detail, but also identifies the resources and thought processes of the family to sum up the total experience towards overcoming the crisis.

The A is the actual event or the crisis event. The B is both the resources and responses of the family to the actual event. The C is the cognition or the thought processes that the family now has as a response to the crisis and resources, and all these together sum up the total experience being X.

If a person or family encounters a crisis it will rock them if they aren't prepared. However, this ABCX model has the power and capability to prepare ourselves and families to be able to overcome hardships and trials. I believe families can overcome anything if they can find the strength within each member of the family to in turn strengthen the family as a whole. 

Conflict

Conflict - to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash or discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principles: a conflict of ideas. This is the official definition according to Dictionary.com. 

We were asked whether or not we "like conflict" more rather small conflict. If we did we were to raise our hands. I was one of the people who raised their hand. I wasn't doing so just to be funny or obstinate, but I truly appreciate those times of conflict because of the end result. The time going through the conflict is hard and sometimes feels like surrender is the only option moving forward, however perseverance is crucial to seeing the blessings of conflict. 

My wife and I have been taught very well in terms of communication and how to work through conflict. I am grateful for conflict because I know, with the help of my wife, I can get through any conflict. I know the small conflicts help us to know how to effectively work together to be able to better tackle bigger conflicts. I know that conflicts will arise. I appreciate or "like" conflicts because of the growth, deepened love for my wife, and the sanctifying power that comes through them. I do not want to sound arrogant or seem to tempt the Lord, but I can appreciate them when they do come. 

Sex Ed

It is a sad time in our society when the Godlike power given to us to procreate is no longer being taught in the home by loving parents. Rather this knowledge is being passed onto the public schools and our children's peers. To some this may seem like a good thing. Some people find it hard to be able to talk about sex with their kids and therefore procrastinate the time when those sacred things will be taught. However, what those people fail to realize is that sex will be taught one way or the other. Those parents forgo their chance to share a beautiful experience with their children and give it to the world to be taught properly. It is well understood that the world is just that, worldly. Something as sacred as sex shouldn't be left to the world to be understood by our children.
When sex is taught in the home it has the best chance of being understood for the divine nature it has. We should strive to keep the spirit in the home. That same spirit can help enlighten our minds and bring all things to our remembrance. When that spirit is present then the lesson on sex can be initiated. We should be anatomically correct in our explanations of things and do our very best to ensure that the sanctity of the topic is preserved.
I believe that as we are conscious about the development of our children then we will be given the inspiration to know when that conversation will be best served for the continued growth of our children. I further believe that as we teach our children about sex education in the home we will protect the sanctity of sex and help ensure that when the world tries to influence our children they have a firm foundation of truth and understanding to help defend themselves. I personally believe that foundation will be the means by which the sanctity of sex will be preserved for future generations.

Nature vs Nurture

The age old question and hot topic debate item is the idea of the development of a person being "Nature vs Nurture." There are many scholars and experts that make the claim for either side of the argument saying it has to be one or other. I would like to pose a third alternative of it being both. I don't understand why it has to be one or the other. The following is my claim for why it can be both.

Nature: I believe personally that God created us in His own image and gave each of us certain qualities or attributes that pertain to our gender. Those gender qualities are special and unique from others, especially from the opposite gender. I believe those qualities will enrich our lives collectively and that when paired with a spouse those differences in gender qualities can create beautiful magical experiences for the family and society.

Nurture: I also believe that a parent has a strong influence on the development and success of their children. I believe the area a youngster is raised in has a big influence as well as peers that they will have. I think the child is born with certain qualities that basically gives them the clay they will work with their whole lives, and family, friends, spouses, and society help carve that clay into something wonderful.

Down for the Count

Sorry guys, I know you are wanting more posts before you start commenting back. Remember this is the start of the semester and we're putting information into our blogs as the professor instructs us to. That and I've been very sick this entire week. I went to one class this entire week and even then I felt like collapsing. Me + falling over = not good. I'm feeling a bit better now and will hopefully shake this before tomorrows class. Until then thank you for commenting at all and know that more posts are on the way.

Something I did learn this week at our place (a classroom away from campus if you will) is what a wonderful wife I have. Back when I got off my mission I was charged with the task of now finding my eternal companion, marrying her, and starting our family together. Back then I thought I had the perfect companion in mind and when I started dating I put each girl I dated into this mindset that she is the one. When I simply let life happen and focused on what I needed to, I found her. Again I had this mindset back then, but what I found was so much more. What I found was someone who cared for me no matter what, who listens to every little thing I want or need even when she's upset or is busy with other things, and constantly shows me how much she loves me through the great and small acts on a daily basis.

This week has been really hard for me to take physically and I dare say would've been near impossible were it not for my sweet wife taking such good care of me. But, what I've learned this week was even though Megan has lots of things to do and is stressed out about a lot of them, that she's constantly worrying about me as well. I learned that I'm always a priority for her and that although it's sometimes not convenient to run an errand for me or take care of me, she always does before she does something for herself.

We've been married for over a year now. This last year I've learned so much about what love is and how it expresses itself through two people. This behavior I've seen in Megan this last week is the same behavior that I've seen since we began dating. I feel so blessed to know her and to be married to her for this last year. My life has been changed for the better because of her and I know that this is only the tip of the iceberg of the happiness we can share together.

I thought I knew what love is and I thought I had my "perfect companion" in mind when I got home from my mission. But what I found in Megan and what I experience now is so much more than what I could ever have asked for.
What I've ultimately learned this week is that I am one lucky man.   
 ---I love you Megan

Comments

Hello everyone! It would be of great value to me and my comprehension for this class if you would leave your own thoughts and impressions about my entries. Doing so will help me to gain a better perspective on the topics I write about and will help me along during the semester to broaden my understanding. Thank you!

Social Trends

In our last class we discussed the research on societal trends of the family over the last 50 years. We learned, in some great detail, that the family structure is under serious attack. We found that divorce rates are up, premarital sex is up, number of marriages are down, cohabitation is up, number of kids are going down, the number of people living alone are going up, social activities in families are going down, there are more mother's at work, and there is a rise in the number of births to unwed women. We were then asked to discuss in small groups whether or not these issues are Significant, Interesting, or No Big Deal to us. The results of the class startled me. In a class of approx 50 students issues of fewer kids, mothers at work, social activities, and cohabitation were very mixed. Lots of people felt they were simply interesting and some even thought they were no big deal. My group came to the consensus that all these issues were significant and were REAL threats to the family today. I thought back to recent and past General Conference addresses and all of these issues were either mentioned or spoken about in great detail. Satan is working overtime to destroy the family. These issues are just a few of the ways that he fights against the family and according to these statistics his methods are doing more damage than we realize. I believe these issues are real and that they important to keep in mind as we deal with our families so that we do not become the statistic. May we all reach and cleave unto the Lord for strength to fight off the advances of the adversary and find lasting happiness in our family.

Initial Post

Hello everyone! This is the first of many posts I'll be doing this semester. I look forward to getting to know all of you this semester. Enjoy!